Sade: Loving her for 25 years

My love affair with Sade began early in the 80s when I was a young mother with two young children. She was the music for making love in the beginning, but during those years she evolved into something much deeper - music for my soul. Read this old writing, circa 1986, when my daughter, now a mother herself, was a tiny, difficult baby and I was desperately trying to keep it together:

"She is crying constantly. Never napping. And it's been unbearably hot and humid. She is so tiny, so fierce. But we are finding a way to each other's hearts. I hope the worst is over. Last night was a turning point.

It was just me, my baby, the heat, the night, the whirl of the ceiling fan, her sobs. She wouldn't stop crying. I put on some music, Sade, to help me keep it together. It’s music that’s made for lovers, but last night it was music for a desperate mother and an inconsolable daughter.

I always hope that you remember / what we have is strong and tender / in the middle of the madness / hold on / it's about faith / it's about trust...

Barefoot on the wood floor, I held her close, my sticky skin pressed close to her little body. As the music swirled and the fan whirled through the night air, her cries slowly, surely subsided and even more slowly, she let herself fall into my skin, allowed her head to slide down on my shoulder, her damp curly hair to rest softly against my neck. I let the record play over and over and we rocked and turned and swayed and sighed and sweated and slowly, so slowly, deep into the night, my baby finally fell asleep."

Years later, when Lover's Rock was released, the magic of Sade saved me once again. I kept the CD in a little player on my night stand, and this time her music was for a broken heart - mine.

Every night I listened to the haunting and lovely music, the only thing that could soothe me to sleep.

The Dj's playing the same song/I have so much to do/I have to carry on/I wonder if this grief will ever be gone/will it ever let me go/I am the king of sorrow...

Now, a middle aged woman and grandma with more than half a century of living behind me, my love affair with Sade still burns brightly. I am counting the days until the release of Soldier of Love in early Feb. What will her music bring? Will it be the soundtrack for lovemaking deep into the night? What piece of my soul will it touch, healing the tender parts of me, once again? Listen to the title track:

Sade. Music for lovers. For mothers. For grandmothers. For a lifetime.

Minnesota Hearty

This photo was taken at about 7:30 a.m. on Jan. 7 as I was on my way to work. The biker is getting ready to cross a busy street and is coming off a snowy, icy sidewalk. It's morning rush hour, barely light out yet, a snowstorm underway, and a temperature below 10 degrees. This is how we do it in Minnesota! (At least some of us. I took the photo from the comfort of my car.) And for those of you who don't live on the northern tundra know this: we don't think behavior like this is crazy; we feel proud!

Tiger Woods and race: Vanity Fair cover speaks volumes

As most of the world knows, Tiger Woods has been in the news of late due to his exploits off the golf course, not on. What interests me most about this are the myriad of racial implications to the coverage of this relatively common story of a famous person who cheats on his wife. And we care why? Or why anymore than anyone else who cheats?

But the race part is important since Woods, who is of mixed African American, Asian, and white heritage, has dug a complicated hole for himself by distancing himself from the Black community for years and aligning himself with a white community that he should have known would turn on him on a dime -- and did. The white majority transformed his image from a nice guy sports hero to Black sexual savage faster than you can say "Cablinasian." And the black community, for the most part, has not had his back, for good reason.

Case in point: This month's Vanity Fair's already infamous cover features a "raw" (their words) Tiger Woods looking like a thug with a freshly cut cell block body minus the tattoos. Our Mr. Clean golf hero is gone gone gone.

RaceWire has a brief, interesting post about the cover shot and its implications. The post simply says:

"So folks, what do you say? The photographer, Annie Leibovitz, should be well known to RaceWire readers as a shameless provocateur, with questionable race politics. We know Leibovitz’s track record. We know the cultural context of this moment in Tiger Woods’s life and career. What say you about this latest image?"

I find the comments interesting. For example:

"Dunno if it's intentional, but I think this serves as a brilliant illustration of how public perception of Tiger has shifted from 'nonthreatening Asian/mixed-race American success story' to 'sex-crazed Black professional athlete' over the course of a single scandal..."

My take -- don't deny who you are. It will bite you in the ass eventually.

What do you think?

Related links:
The Root: Goodbye, 'Cablinasian', and Congrats Tiger, you got the race neutral response you always wanted.
Racialicious: Revisitng "100% Cablinasian": 6 Thoughts on Tiger Woods
Nketlk: Tiger woods got the OJ treatment
The Daily Voice: Tiger stereotypes Tiger, and black males too
PostBourgie: Eyes on the Tiger
Womanist Musings: Vanity Fair: Tiger Woods the Thug

"It's Complicated" -- a plausible romantic comedy for aging baby boomers

My spouse and I (we married three years ago at mid life -- a detail important to this review) trudged out in the snow and ice on Christmas Day to see "It's Complicated," a romantic comedy starring Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin, and Steve Martin. And guess what, my fellow over-50 people, it works! It's plausible! It's hilarious! The characters are sexy in a way that fits for their age; they reveal their aging bodies in a way that is charming, self aware, and not at their expense (a chubby Baldwin, sagging eyelids on Streep). They make poor dating/sex decisions and get their hopes dashed and feelings hurt as a result, just like older people who are dating do. (Yes, some things never change. What is it about sex and romance that can make us lose our minds, whether we are 25 or 55?)

Even though the characters all had a lot more money than me, were heterosexual, their adult kids were well adjusted (actually a little too well adjusted), and everyone was white, I knew their story. As someone who got divorced, dated throughout her forties, and married in her 50s, I could envision myself in the story. "It's Complicated" is not some misguided fantasy about what's possible at mid-life and beyond; it's a very funny comedy about what -- indeed -- is possible.

The audience included mostly aging baby boomers like me, but there was a decent showing of under thirties, too. I wanted to ask them what they thought. Did they imagine their parents as they watched the movie? Was it plausible to them? My twenty-something kids have a hard time wrapping their arms around the fact that I still like to go out and dance, fall in love, have and like sex, and that it's not gross or over the hill -- it's simply living!

Rachel Maddow on "debunking a cure for homosexuality"

This is Rachel Maddow at her fiercest, finest! On her Dec. 8 show she discusses the terrifying bill in Uganda that would make homosexuality punishable by life in prison, and rips apart Richard Cohen and his claim that he can cure homosexuals. She draws a direct link between the Ugandan bill and the anti-gay hate mongering by Cohen and others. Watch!

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