The straight people's unofficial guide to the 2012 TC Pride Festival

Update: I wrote this in 2010, updated it in 2011, and am now reposting for 2012! Happy Pride!

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The 2012 Twin Cities Pride Festival and Parade is this June 23-24. And it's a doozie of a celebration. The numbers alone hint at why:

• The festival is huge -- the third largest in the nation.*
• The Twin Cities GLBT community is vast, second only to San Francisco (by percentage of population).*
• Minneapolis, as of 2000, had the third highest concentration of GLBT couples in the U.S. (Just imagine where we are now!)*

* Source: Demographics-Attendance, TC Pride 2008


Given that the Twin Cities is clearly swarming with we GLBT people and our allies, I find it hard to imagine that there are people with absolutely no reasonably close contact with anyone or anything gay. But just in case, I thought a guide for those ten straight people who live completely outside our world would be helpful.

So here is my Straight People's Unofficial Guide to the 2012 TC Pride Festival and Parade (and gay people in general):

• Don't let all that flamboyance fool you, we can be as dull as the next person. At the same time, that seemingly achingly boring co-worker in the cube next to you just might be the most fabulous drag king or queen at the parade. You just don't know. 

•  Our world is as diverse as yours. Given our hugeness, you can imagine there is a niche for everyone. We are hipsters, geeks, corporate types, suburbanites, city dwellers, rural folks, families, singles, couples, old people, young people, happy people, sad people. We are brown, black, tan, and white. We are rich, poor, and just getting by. You get my drift. And we will all be at the festival (or at least a representative sample will be there).

• We claim many names to express our identities. The standards of course are gay, lesbian, bisexual. But we are also queer, dyke, boi, stud, femme, butch, bear, and on and on. The transgender community is fierce and strong here, complete with its own rhythms, language, and lifestyles. We are all in this together. I personally like to call myself "queer" because of its inclusiveness, but will use the more tame "lesbian" when needed. 

• When I came out over 20 years ago in my mid-thirties and went to my first pride festival, it was somewhat daring to be a politician in the parade or a corporation with a tent hawking wares and showing support in the park. Times have changed! These days, the parade is way too long because so many politicians, churches, and businesses join in. In fact, some people don't like how "corporate" we've become. I think it's a wonderful sign of our normality, and of our political and buying clout. 

• Lots and lots of straight people come to the festival and parade. In fact, it is impossible to tell who is gay, straight, bisexual, or something else all together. Don't worry about going to Loring Park and being labeled as gay. We won't be able to tell, and neither will your neighbors if you wind up on TV. Beside, being gay is great. If you get mistaken for one of us, enjoy!

But lest you think this is a commentary on how "we are just like you but gay," here are a few of the ways our similarities to you part, and why we fight so hard for simple things like the right to marry, to be parents, to worship, to be ourselves. 

• Parenting/family. We are crawling with kids. Some of us (like me) had kids before we came out, and many others chose one of the many routes to becoming a parent while "in the life:" adoption, artificial insemination, fostering. My point is this. Most GLBT folks have to work really hard to become parents (it's pretty hard to get "knocked up" by accident in a same-gender relationship). Since that means we typically need to consciously choose to become parents, we are pretty committed to being good ones.

• Worship. While many GLBT people can and do attend mostly straight places of worship, lots of us like to pray together, amongst ourselves. Religion is at the root of most good and much evil. It is used to raise up our common humanity and to create war. So, it's nice to pray where you know you are loved. I know of a church that is all African American, all gay and lesbian people. And they are holy rollers, living by "The Word," their way.  I love this, deeply.

•  Marriage. You truly have to be living off the grid to have missed that GLBT people are fighting for our right to marry. Some people in the gay community are less enthused, wondering why we would want to engage in a practice that has failed so miserably in the straight world (the over 50% divorce rate being their proof point). But lots of us want to get married for all the reasons straight people want to tie the knot -- love, commitment, family, a nice party -- and legal protections. In Minnesota there is going to be a ballot this fall letting people vote on whether or not marriage can constitutionally be defined as only between a man and a woman. Now we have to spend all kinds of time fighting that idiotic piece of legislation instead of other more important social justice issues. Grrr.

• Health care. This is actually connected to my marriage point. Those of us in committed relationships don't get access to family health care plans unless we happen to work for a company or organization that provides "domestic partner" benefits. This is expensive and dangerous as it results in many people going uninsured, including children. 

Now that you are armed with more knowledge having read this guide, I invite you to come to our festival and parade and join in all the fun. I also invite you to join us in our fight for full equality and acceptance, in life and under the law. Happy Pride! 

Freedom Band

Dykes on bikes

 

Welcoming Church

 

We have political clout. And we vote

 

Yes s/he does

 

GLBTQ youth getting our support, supporting each other

Pride is a family affair for parents with wee ones...

...and with teen ones

Me, with random clown

 

Friends being festive, having fun

Photo source: My personal TC Pride photos 2007-2011

Yes he did! President Obama endorses marriage equality

I got a little teary eyed as the news broke and we learned President Obama officially went on record to endorse same-sex marriage/marriage equality. Another historic moment experienced in my lifetime. Another step on the march toward full equality as citizens in our nation for queer people.

A kiss from my president to my queer self.

As someone who has worked for twenty plus years in public relations, including a stint as a communications director for an elected official, I know first hand the discussions, the vetting, the weighing of how/if/when to take controversial positions on polarizing, controversial topics. But I scoff at the cynics who see this as purely a political move. Yes, we are in an election year, and yes that had, HAD, to be taken into account. 

But I believe Barack Obama - the person - has fully supported and believed in equal rights for queer people for many years. Those are the values he and his wife are instilling/have instilled in their children after all. I believe he came to a point personally AND politically where his personal beliefs needed to be aligned with his very public role as President. No matter the risk. Because it simply was the right thing to do. It's yet to be seen if this hurts or helps his reelection bid.

Yes, there are nuances to better understand. Will he now openly work to overturn DOMA? I hope so. Will he champion legislation to make same-sex marriage legal everywhere? I hope so. But whatever happens know this: that endorsement is a huge, historic, important next step that transcends President Obama. As Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr said, "The arc of the moral universe is long, but It bends toward justice." Yes it does. Yes it will.

Earlier today I imagined, as the news spread, millions of queer people across this country feeling a little lighter, a little more valued and accepted. I imagined closeted people cracking open that oppressive door and considering, "Maybe I can, now." I imagined more queer people kissing in public. Just because. And most important, I imagined queer and questioning youth envisioning a more open and accepting future awaiting them. 

My tears came when I took this all in, took in what it means to be queer in this country under a president who says, "You matter. Your rights count."

So this is so much more than endorsement of same sex marriage. It is endorsement of being queer, in all its beautiful forms.

Thank you, President Obama. Again and again and again.

Some highlights from the interwebs:

The endorsement

 The inspirational image to share

For the rainbow inclined

 The Hillary meme (Go Hillary in 2016!)

And best of all, a brand new meme to celebrate (you MUST click to see the gifs. Hilarious.)

When Obama Endorsed Marriage Equality...We all partied. With .GIFS

Slouching towards 60

I just turned 56. First, thank you universe, I am still hear, still alive, still fierce, still working it out. Second, I am now on a trajectory towards 60. I have lots to say about this, I've been ruminating all winter about aging - and more importantly - ageism. I just haven't been writing. But I'm almost ready. So stay tuned. It's a coming...

Until then, as this blog was first called, I invite all to EMBRACE YOUR AGE: YOU'RE LIVING!

President Obama speaks out about Trayvon Martin/The child who would be president

Finally, what we all have been waiting for. President Obama speaks out about Trayvon Martin. This story has been elevated to a level where our country - the world - must now pay attention. Finally, thanks to social media and the ability it creates to mobilize millions, this senseless tragedy may find justice, and a national conversation on race relations is exploding. Finally, millions of white people may now have an awareness about and a better understanding of "the talk" parents of black and brown children must have about "no matter how amazing and wonderful you are, you are not safe in this world" as their children are coming of age. Finally.

National Public Radio reports the story here, but below is an excerpt:

"When I think about that boy, I think about my own kids" and that "if I had a son, he'd look like Trayvon," President Obama just said when asked about the death of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin and the national discussion it has reignited about race relations in America.

Without commenting on what happened in Sanford, Fla., on Feb. 26, when 28-year-old George Zimmerman shot Martin, the president said it is "absolutely imperative that we investigate every aspect of this" to determine "exactly how this tragedy happened."

"All of us have some soul searching" to do, said the president, "to figure out how something like this happened."

And Obama said he has a message for Martin's parents: "If I had a son, he'd look like Trayvon. I think they are right to expect that all of us as Americans are going to take this with the seriousness this deserves and get to the bottom of what happened."

And here is a video clip of his comments: 



I would just add this: Yes, if President Obama had a son he would look like Trayvon. And at 17, the teenager who would become our president could have been Trayvon. Think about that and let it sink in...

The child who would be President

As a little kid.

At Trayvon's age.

And now our president. He made it.

I wonder what Trayvon might have become? 

Trayvon Martin could have been your son

 Trayvon Martin, killed at age 17, on Feb. 26, 2012

Most of us didn't know much about the murder of Trayvon Martin until it blew up on Twitter when the 911 tapes were released on March 16. The tapes essentially documented that a teenage African American kid was murdered in Florida while walking back from a store where he had bought Skittles and iced tea. Apparently those actions were grounds for "suspicious behavior," to be shot and killed.

When I listened to the tapes, I flew into a rage, a mama rage, and joined in the shared outrage on Twitter.  

If you've been paying attention, you know this story by now. You know that his shooter, Geroge Zimmerman, a "neighborhood watch" volunteer, has not yet been arrested. You know the Department of Justice is finally involved. And you know this story was silent in our national headlines for far too long. How did it take almost two weeks for most of us to learn about this? Somehow the senseless death of a black teenage kid just doesn't make the lede. But thanks to social media and a few dedicated journalists, the outrage, by this week, could no longer be ignored.

If you haven't been paying attention, catch up now. One of the best sources is NY Times journalist Charles M. Blow, who was one of the first to bring this story to a national audience in his March 16 column. He also has been relentless in his pursuit of the story, chronicling it all on his Twitter account. Another good source is Goldie Taylor, again on Twitter. Or Google "Trayvon Martin."

But here's the deal. The outrage is mostly polarized. Like it was with so many slain young African American men before Trayvon. And it is polarized in a specific way. We white people don't get how each death is so much more than the horror of the individual incident - it is most certainly that - but it is also the hundreds and hundreds of murders and lynchings that have come before, and the daily threat to any black person, but especially any black male over the age of 12, that this too could be your story. Any day. Any time. For any reason. 

The Grio just published this slideshow which sets Trayvon's murder in the terrible history of young men and women who have been killed before him. Watch, remember, and carry it forward. Because there will be more.

A couple of days ago, someone wrote a piece about white privilege and how we white people will never look suspicious like Trayvon Martin because of that privilege. Yes, but please stop. That is an obvious truth and not what this is about. This is about the senseless death of a young man, a young man that could be anyone's son. 


Your son. Our son. My son.


Write about that instead. Write about how white people, even if we are terribly upset about what happened, cannot begin to understand the depth of the outrage, sorrow and worry that black and brown people feel. Unless we have a black or brown son, spouse or loved one. Only then do we begin to step a little bit closer to that outrage, the despair, and the worry - because only then do we feel it from within the context of love and the deepest parts of our hearts.

I never would have understood this had I not raised a black son. He was first stopped and searched by the police at 13 and has been stopped many times since for no reason. His daily existence equates to "suspicious behavior" for far too many. I live with a constant worry of "what if." He has already been dragged under by the streets, by "the system," and by his own foolishness. Yet still he survives, trying to thrive. Actually just trying to live. And he knows, as sure the air he breathes, as sure the depth of his love for his own young son, that at 29, at any given moment, he could be the one in the cross hairs for "acting suspicious." 

Even if we have a Black president. Even if he was president.

That is our country's shared disgrace. That is the thing we must all understand and fight. 

March 21 Update: 
NPR has excellent coverage of this issue this morning. 

First, listen to this story about the response in a community in central Florida. Listen carefully to the differences in the black and white responses to this murder. My point exactly. 


Also, listen to this story that documents how the Black community forced this story into mainstream media through social media, the black press, individual journalists, and thousands of outraged individuals.