Playlist: Spring Freedom and Aries Fire!

I'm a wannabe DJ and over the years I've made hundreds of mixtapes and playlists. Here's one for the arrival of spring (finally!) and the ignition of (my) Aries fire. Let's dance and make love with life together!

Spring Freedom and Aries Fire!

1. Happy, Pharrell Williams

2. P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing), Michael Jackson

3. The Way You Make Me Feel, Michael Jackson

4. Ms. Jackson, OutKast

5. So Fresh, So Clean, OutKast

6. Sexy M.F., Prince

7. Money Don't Matter 2 Night. Prince

8. Diamonds And Pearls, Prince

9. Now That We Found Love, Heavy D & The Boyz

10. Family Affair, Sly & The Family Stone

11. Somebody Else's Guy, Jocelyn Brown

12. Best of My Love, The Emotions

13. Green Garden, Laura Mvula

14. Q.U.E.E.N., Janelle Monáe (feat. Erykah Badu)

15. Shame, Jill Scott (feat. Eve and The A Group)

16. People Everyday, Arrested Development

17. Gettin' Jiggy Wit It, Will Smith

18. Switch, Will Smith

19. Let's Stay Together, Al Green

20. I'm Still In Love With You, Al Green

By DJ Dancing Diva, April 2014

Bonus Aries Horoscope (by Rob Breszny):

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Freedom is the most important kind of joy you
can seek right now. It's also the most important subject to study and
think about, as well as the most important skill to hone. I advise you to
make sure that freedom is flowing through your brain and welling up in
your heart and spiraling through your loins. Write synonyms for "freedom"
on your arm with a felt-tip pen: liberation, emancipation, independence,
leeway, spaciousness, carte blanche, self-determination, dispensation.
Here's one more tip: Connect yourself with people who love and cultivate
the same type of freedom you do. 

Other playlists posted to this blog:

Passing Over into the Infinite

Oh Valerie, In Summertime 

Heading to the Big Easy 

Michael Jackson

Double Nickels

For the Cause/Protest and Peace

Barack Obama Inauguration Playlist

Birthday Playlist for Aging Baby Boomers

Missing my mother

April includes three dates in my family - my son's birthday, my birthday, and the day my mother died. 

This year marks the tenth anniversary of her passing, and as "the date" approaches, I'm living in a whole new kind of sorrow. My mom died as a result of pancreatic cancer, one of the more horrible cancers because by the time you learn you have it, it's advanced and the march to death is painful, unrelenting, and swift - even with aggressive treatment and an iron will to live, both of which my mother had. She was only 70, just 12 years older than I'll be in a couple weeks, to put that into perspective.

In the beginning I traveled through the raw grief that comes with the death of a parent. After a few years, I moved to mostly acceptance, my grief a constant little whisper in the background of my busy life. Sometimes things would trigger a louder grief and tears - always unexpectedly. Something would remind me of her, or wishing she was part of a milestone or an everyday event. But mostly it was just the whisper.

Then, beginning a year or so ago, something shifted and I started missing my mother in a whole new kind of way. So much time gone by and so much life where she wasn't. I longed to talk to her, to ask her things about my own aging process, for example. "Did you experience this, too?"

This new grief is for the relationship we could have had over these last ten years - one that could have been closer, richer than what we had before, because of my own inner growth and evolution.

I had a great childhood - two parents who loved and cared for me, who had the resources and desire to support their kids' pursuits and dreams, who insisted we do well in school and go to college, and that we make the most of our talents to make a difference in the world. Yet, between the lines of this happy childhood was an emotional distance that hurt my heart and that I used to blame on them.

Our unspoken family motto was, "Everything's great!" It still is. So as a kid, for example, when I would run to my mom with hurt feelings, she would tell me, "Oh honey, it's okay, don't get upset, you're just fine." But I wasn't fine. What I longed to hear was affirmation of my hurt. "That must have been so hurtful. Let me give you a hug." But it was not our way and over the years, beginning in adolescence, I stepped away from emotional intimacy and kept my parents at a loving arm's length. 

Did my mom know how sad, ashamed and hurt I was that no one invited me to the prom, or even wanted to be my boyfriend in high school? That in some ways I was a victim of being bullied? Maybe, but I'll never know. Even if we weren't in a place to go there when I was 17, surely I could talk to her about it now.

I never told her I about the abortion I had at 20 while in college (though she was a strong proponent of a woman's right to choose), or even that I was having sex at all. I never shared the interior of my adult struggles. Not when I was going through my divorce, coming out, single parenting, or my children making terrible choices with terrible consequences. Or the heartbreak in my early lesbian relationships. My parents knew the facts, but not the feelings.

I didn't figure out until it was too late, until after my mom had died, that I was as responsible for our emotional distance as my parents were - that I was the one who closed down and stopped trying.

It's just been in the last decade, thanks to my journey with my spouse Susan, that I've learned, really learned, that to make an intimate relationship successful you have to accept people as they are, meet them where they are at, and bring your unwavering authentic self to them. I've known those sorts of ideas forever, of course (lots of therapy and self-help books, and Oprah), but only in my relationship and marriage with Susan have I experienced what those ideas mean and the powerful transformation that acting upon them can bring.

I totally get that my mom and I would have never achieved some fantasy daily-talk-on-the-phone-go-shopping-the-first-person-I-called-when-trouble-hit mother/daughter relationship, but if I had evolved more quickly we could have had so much more than we did.

I could have brought more of my whole self to her, and then flowed with her into whatever relationship would have grown from there. I've had the opportunity to do just that with my dad and it's been lovely, and healing.

As April rolls in, my sorrow and grief are loud and present. It's the missed chance to bring a better me to my wonderful mom.

If only we had had a little more time.

"Happy" as a protest song, woah

I hope you have listened to and watched the video of Pharrell Williams's song, Happy. If not, or you just want to watch it again (Yes, I love feeling like a room without a roof!), here it is.

Like most everyone else, I love this song. I first learned about it before I knew it was written for and connected to the movie, Despicable Me 2, when a friend sent me a link to the video 24 Hours of Happy. I loved, loved how it featured everyday dancers and the celebration of, well, dancing and being happy! I thought the song would come and go in a few months, like all snappy pop songs do.

But it didn't. Something remarkable happened. It became a global protest song.

The amazing post by Shan Wang on PolicyMic, "How This Became the Surprising Protest Song of Our Generation," breaks it down perfectly. Read the whole thing, but here are a few excerpts: 

"The peppy neo-soul song is not in any way controversial. But something strange began happening to it a little while ago. It became a mega pop sensation and an unexpected global anthem for citizens living under troubled regimes.

The movement started slowly — first it was the soundtrack to a video of people dancing joyfully in Paris. But then the song began cropping up in videos from countries in political turmoil. One came from the Philippines, a country still picking up the pieces from Typhoon Haiyan. Soon, one followed from Tunis, still reeling from the aftershocks of the Arab Spring. And then another from Moscow. While not a "protest" song in its traditional sense, Pharrell's "Happy" has taken on a politically charged meaning as an anthem of international resilience...

...Pharrell's unironic and unequivocal call to positivity makes it a strange member of the protest music genre, which mostly targets specific injustices. The 1960s is teeming with examples. Nina Simone's "Mississippi Goddam," for instance, seethes at the killing of civil rights activist Medgar Evers and the bombing of an Alabama Church..."

There's more, so seriously, read the whole post. It includes many of the Happy-turned-protest-song You Tube videos and you need to watch them. Here's one, from Kiev.

Amazing. Wang says, rightly, "It is haunting to see protesters in Kiev dancing among barricades and answering frankly what would make them happy. "To be happy I need the Ukraine to be free," one woman answered."

I came of age with the protest songs of the anti-Viet Nam war and civil rights movements. So, so many amazing songs. Here's a post of a couple of protest playlists I made. And here is my favorite song from then, What's Going On, from Marvin Gaye.

It's theme of course is only love can conquer hate, and while it's a very deep song, the music is uplifting, even, yes, happy. We still dance to it after all these years.

It's a evolution across the generations. We protest the injustice, inequity, and hate around us. And a powerful weapon is rising above it all, with love and happiness. And, always, with dancing.

I'm not sure Happy could have made the leap a generation ago. But today, this generation can and does use social media, including You Tube, to spark a revolution, or to turn a sweet, silly song written for a kids' animated movie into a protest anthem.

Again, Shan Wang says it best:

..."that's the magic of this global music culture. Pharrell perhaps never intended "Happy" to be more than a catchy summer hit, but even a perfectly-oiled pop machine can't account for the creative capacity of the whole world. "Happy" came into the world apolitical, but it's something more now — it's a song of resilience and resolve under incredible hardship."

April 15 update: Check out Pharrell's reaction to watching the global You Tube videos made from his song on a recent interview with Oprah - happy tears!

Happy Spring!

Happy Spring! Finally! It's been a brutal winter. Let's celebrate with my favorite Laura Mvula song, Green Garden.

Review: Frozen is (almost) a feminist fairy tale

My review, Twitter length: 
"@dancingdiva Frozen is great! The point is sister love, girl power, independence. No Prince Charming needed/wanted! If only there was a strong brown girl."

If you have a short attention span or are short on time, that's all you need to know. Otherwise, let me elaborate.

Background: 
Last night I rented Frozen to watch with my 9-year-old granddaughter, who I'll call Sidekick. I've been curious about the movie since Sidekick has been obsessed with the music for months, playing it on constant rotation. Her mother is ready to kill me, since I bought Sidekick the soundtrack. And even I'm sick of it, in the once a week dose I get on "Grandma Wednesdays."

Apparently we are not alone. School-aged  and preschool kids worldwide can't get enough of the Frozen soundtrack and their parents are slowly going insane, applying limits on how often the music can be played, even hiding it to survive the weekends. The theme song, "Let it Go," has become an anthem for girls especially, everywhere. (And gay men are loving it up, too.)

What is it with that song, I've been wondering? So a couple of weeks ago I asked Sidekick why she loved the song sooo much, and she said, "Because she has Frozen powers, of course!" I looked up the lyrics to dig a little deeper into what she meant, and it really is an amazing song about empowerment:

"...My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I’m never going back,
The past is in the past
Let it go, let it go
And I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway..."

 In case you live in a world void of young girls or the Oscars, check it out yourself, sung by the incredible Idina Menzel. (Sorry to those of you who have PTSD around constant repeat of this song. Just don't press play.)

When the song came on early in the movie, Sidekick jumped up and exclaimed, "This is MY song" with such conviction and sang along with such passion that I *almost teared up (okay I cried a little).

Review: 
So, on to the review (it's not a traditional review, so look up others if you want more plot detail). Also, spoilers galore.

There are two princess sisters, Elsa and Anna, in a Scandinavian land of some sort in olden days. Elsa, the oldest, has magical powers related to ice and freezing things. Rather than embracing her powers, she is told they are dangerous and she must hide them and stay locked away, creating much loneliness for both she and her sister (she accidentally hurt her sister with them when they were playing once). Their parents are soon dead, FYI, but the rule to stay locked up and separated in the castle sticks throughout their growing up

Then, finally, when Elsa gets to the age where she can be queen of the land, the doors and windows to the castle are thrown open for a big coming out party, and at the festivities little sister Anna even meets a visiting prince, who she becomes engaged to in one day (I thought the plot was going to tank here, but hang on). When Anna tells Elsa her news and asks for her blessing, Elsa says no, it's too soon and an argument ensues. Elsa loses one of her protective gloves during the argument and accidentally (again) lets her powers fly and freezes all the land. She believes she has no power to unfreeze things, so she runs away to protect the people. But alone, out in the snowy mountains, she releases her powers with great emotion and makes a totally fly ice castle for herself. This is when "Let it Go" is sung.

Message 1: Use your power, do you, and it's okay to be on your own. Let it go.

Anna sets out to find her sister and bring her back. During the course of that adventure she is told by a nice dude she meets that it is a bad idea to get engaged after only one day because you don't really know the person and might not like how they pick their nose. At this point Sidekick inserts loudly, "That's right, watch out for him, he's a liar and evil!" (She has seen the movie already, which only serves to give her more passion for the story.)

Message 2: Don't leap into love. 

As the story progresses, Anna and the love-advice dude go searching for Elsa. When they find her and the ice castle, they are rejected and sent away violently by Elsa, who accidentally again hurts Anna. This time she hits her heart with an ice shard, which will eventually kill Anna by freezing her heart. We later learn from the dude's adopted troll community that only an act of true love can heal a frozen heart.

I get a little worried here again that we are turning to the standard Disney plot as they head back to the castle to find her fiance to kiss her and fix her with his true love. But keep holding on.

Anna ends up back in the castle and we learn her fiance is indeed an asshole, who is scheming to take over the *kingdom, and he locks her in a room to slowly freeze to death. He then sets out to find and kill Elsa so he can be king. At this point Sidekick screams, "But you can't win because they are stronger than you!"

Message 3: Girl power, duh.

My memory of the plot gets a little fuzzy here, but both Elsa and the dude helping Anna are racing back to the castle. Anna breaks free of the castle and even as she is dying, starts making her way to dude, thinking now that he is the one who truly loves her and can save her. But hang on, that tired plot line turns again.

Just as Anna sees dude, she also sees her sister Elsa and that she is about to be killed by Anna's now former fiance. So, despite being near death, Anna turns from her oncoming dude to her sister and throws herself between Elsa and former fiance, becomes frozen, and deflects the sword so Elsa lives. Sidekick yells, "That's right, your family is more important than your boyfriend." (Really, she YELLED that, I'm not making this up.)

Elsa can't believe what has happened and wraps her arms around the frozen Anna, sobbing. Before long (yes you can see what's coming), Anna melts because her act of true love to save her sister, and her sister's true love for her in return are enough to heal a frozen heart, and indeed an entire frozen body. 

Message 4: Remember who counts. Family first. Sisters rock. The power of love (in non-romantic forms).

Then Elsa realizes that she can control her powers with the strength of love, and uses her love for her people to melt the land and summer returns.

The story ends with the bad guys rounded up and sent off, and Elsa takes her place as queen, using her frozen powers to throw a kick-ass ice skating party in the middle of summer. Dude who helped Anna asks if he can kiss her (gets consent!) and she gives him her cheek! (Sure you can kiss me but we are just friends, buddy.) He sells ice for a living so he is made the official royal ice man. 

And the sisters live happily every after. Together.

People, there is NO Prince Charming in this story, not even a back-up Prince or a side Prince or a *commoner who is anointed prince. The story is not about finding true happiness through love of a man, preferably a rich man. Not at all. It's (almost) a feminist fairy tale!

After it was over, I asked Sidekick what she thought the movie was about and she said (as if she was schooling me), "Grandma, come on, it's about finding your true self." 

Message 5 (as spoken by a wise 9-year-old): Happiness comes from finding your true self and living your truth.

What's missing: 
Brown people. Yes, it's set in Scandinavia, but that is no excuse. Also, nothing queer, not even a subtext. Again, inexcusable in 2014 (I might be wrong. See update at the bottom for a potential queer moment). And Elsa and Anna are stereotypes in their appearance - white, pretty, blonde (and red) haired, blue eyed, skinny, silly gowns. We can do better. But for Disney, Frozen overall is serious progress so I'm feeling a little forgiving, except on the lack of diversity. Sidekick is brown and I REALLY WANT her (and all girls like her) to feel that much passion for and attachment to a story revolving around someone who looks like her/them.

So I'm making an ask. We need a movie as wonderful as Frozen that stars a brown girl. Remember Tiana, the only Black Disney princess, who spends half the film as a frog and they rest chasing her prince? We deserve a do over, Disney. So many of we parents and grandparents of Black girls were hopeful, wanting a story to get our daughters excited about, but it just went flat, for them and for us. No wonder.

I'm not the only one sick of lily white Disney princesses. I'm just late to the table on the Frozen critique, having waited to rent it. See some of the many reactions in this July 2013 Indiewire article.

Segue: 
I'm going to end here by making a leap to Lupita Nyong'o, who just won an Oscar for her incredible work in her role as a brutalized young slave in "Twelve Years a Slave." We watched her on all the red carpets and she captivated us with her talent, beauty, and sexiness. Which has caused some to call (again) for roles for Black actors beyond slaves, maids, pimps, and whores. Amen to that!

Rumor has it that Nyong'o is being considered for a lead in the next Star Wars movie (along with Michael B. Jordan!), and for a film adaptation of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's amazing, award-winning book, Americanah! If Hollywood can make that necessary step forward, then Disney surely can make an animated feature where a young Black girl saves the universe through her strength, courage and wisdom. 

That's where we go from Frozen. 

March 21 update:
Wait, there may be a teeny-tiny queer moment in the movie. Read number 5 in this PolicyMic article! (The store guy is gay and his hubby and kids are in the sauna!)