Sunday, September 13, 2015

Thank you, Serena




I've been loving Serena Williams for a long time now. Ever since the 90s, when she and her sister Venus came on the pro tennis scene and changed the game forever, with their fierce play, take-no-crap father, and clickity-clack beaded braids announcing to the stuffy, mostly white tennis world, "We are here, we're going to win, we're doing it our way, and nothing is going to stop us."


I watch tennis because of Serena. She is the best tennis player ever, and I doubt we will see another player like her in my lifetime. And she achieved it all while also bearing weight of - and slaying - the racism and sexism that follows her no matter how far her star rises. 

I would love to know what it's like to be her, to occupy a body, mind and soul that has perfectly combined hard work, talent, and the desire to be the best. I can think of no other body as beautiful, as perfect as hers. I can think of no other tennis player as exciting to watch.





But Serena and her sister are so much more than tennis. For over two decades they have been an inspiration to girls and women everywhere, and especially to Black girls and women - tennis fans or otherwise. This article sums it up well.


Read the whole article, but this: 
Before Beats By Dre and Nike were clamoring for her endorsement, or she was posing for paparazzi photos with Kim Kardashian, millions of black women knew and loved  'Rena, ReRe or "my girl," their terms of endearment for Serena Williams.
Serena, in all her #BlackGirlMagic glory, was first worshipped by the legions of girls and women who saw themselves in the determined, hardworking and charming phenom from Compton, California. It's these women who are among those cheering the loudest for Serena, because for them, she has already won.
They scream for her on and off the court because her magazine covers, Instagram posts and images of her with braids, beads, wearing catsuits or bikinis, are a different kind of victory for the woman many of them consider the epitome of beauty and excellence. For them, looking at Serena Williams is like looking into a mirror that affirms their own bodies and skin color.
As a white woman, I can only imagine the depth of that soul connection, given my own hard-core fandom. I remember sitting my daughter and son down in front of the television in the 90s to watch young Serena and Venus play - wanting them to see themselves in Serena's and Venus's authenticity and fierce talent. To have them drink in, whether they played tennis or not, "This can be you. You can do anything you set your mind to." And, maybe most important, "You don't have to lose yourself to find greatness. Do you. Stay true."

#Blackgirlmagic.

Thank you, Serena. You may have lost the US Open and your four-Grand-Slams-in-a-season dream for this year, but for millions of your fans, you remain our champion and shining star.




Watch this video, Serena Williams - Rise. It may be a commercial, but it says it all.



Friday, September 11, 2015

Wherever You Are - In Rememberence


Posting in remembrance of one of the most beautiful people I have ever known. This song was written for her and her spouse, who together lived and exemplified the best kind of love and commitment - through everything. This is not about me, though I still miss her deeply. This is about their love, inexplicable loss, grief that still flows, and the courage to continue on with so much grace. 

Thank you Ellis for this gift, for writing this song - for them, for their children, for us all.

 Wherever you are.





Friday, September 4, 2015

Babies in boats

Babies in Boats
Refugees, asylum seekers and migrants - current, past and future - on my mind and in my heart. The child who died crossing the Mediterranean Sea and washed ashore triggers a memory of a story told by a work friend long ago - how he did anything his mother asked, no matter how crazy, because she gave birth to him in a crowded boat on the South China Sea. Babies in boats. Bodies in trucks reminding me of bodies in other trucks, tunnels, shallow graves, on long paths to somewhere else. Friends and family now here who once were fleeing, or whose parents fled from homelands across the globe. This, from poet Warsan Shire: "You have to understand, that no one puts their children in a boat unless the water is safer than the land.” And, “No one leaves home unless home is the mouth of a shark."


Read her full poem, Home.

Friday, July 31, 2015

Farewell, MichFest

Next week, thousands of women (womyn) from all over the US, Canada, and from many other countries will gather on 650 acres of land in Michigan to celebrate the 40th anniversary and last Michigan Womyn's Music Festival, or MichFest. 

I won't be there, but I'm feeling nostalgic and a bit sad.

I didn't come out until my mid-30s, so I never went to MichFest until the late 90s. Between 1998 and 2010 I went five times, each fest unique, magical, transformative. I've danced topless with hundreds of other women who were clothed or not in all kinds of ways, to amazing musicians under bright summer skies - losing my shyness for my post-mastectomy body and feeling sexy and alive. I'll never forget a young friend I'd just made that first year who ended up supporting me as I got a henna tattoo across my chest to celebrate my survivor's body and embolden me to be free with it. 

I've wandered the trails at night feeling completely safe, and watched - mouth gaping - the open, pure sexual wildness of the Twilight Zone. I've attended with friends, and with my spouse. I've picked up women during single years. I took salsa lessons in the morning dew. I even spent a week with Ubaka Hill's Drumsong Orchestra and performed on stage, sweating out the drumbeats, trying to keep up, so happy. One year, at the request of her surviving partner, I sprinkled the ashes of a dear friend lost to breast cancer in special places on the land. Holy places. I wonder how many women are scattered there over these 40 years.

I think Nedra Johnson's beautiful ballad Hail Mary captures the feeling of my MichFest experiences best of all. Listen. Holy love, sacred place... 

The whole debate about the exclusion of transwomen (there are so many articles - do a Google search) came into full force after my first couple of experiences with MichFest, though I have no doubt I wasn't paying attention. (I was more tuned into the racial politics - white women who didn't understand the need for women-of-color-only community space.) I personally don't get the exclusion of transwomen. Transmen are welcome, as are every stripe of gender nonconforming women. It's some theoretical divide about what constitutes a "woman-born-woman." I believe the folks opposing the inclusion of transwomen have never reached a place where they can see our trans* sisters as fully women. And this lack of acceptance is most likely what slowly killed MichFest. I feel full of sorrow for that. A holy place, a sacred land that couldn't invite all women in, and in the end, lost it all.

But in this last year, I've developed greater empathy for those who couldn't embrace that change. MichFest started posting photos from the early days on their Facebook page, which brought me viscerally to a place and time I missed - the 70s and early 80s era of radical feminist lesbianism, from which MichFest was born. Those women, many who still attend, are in their late fifties, sixties, and beyond now. They had a specific experience that indelibly marked their souls. A revolution I benefitted from but didn't participate in. MichFest manifests the heart of those days gone by. It's a way to return to what was. I can see their point of view with more understanding now, even if I don't agree. 




Photos from the early years of Michfest courtesy of their Facebook page

This post is not about the debate, the fierce feelings of anger and hurt that have been stirred on all sides. It's just my closing thoughts on a place I'm grateful to have experienced.

I'm missing this last hurrah not as a boycott, but because I really just didn't want to go. I've got more places to see and things to experience with my limited vacation and travel dollars.

But I can imagine attending, the last of everything. The line to get in. The crazy old buses driven by sturdy dykes (of both the butch and femme variety), setting up camp, the porta-janes, the outdoor showers, the food served under big tents in the dusty heat/melting humidity/pouring rain. The woods, feeling so safe walking anywhere at anytime of day or night. The women, clothed and naked, old and young, radical and everyday. The village. And of course the music - acoustic and night stages - funk and folk and everything in between. The closing ceremony. The lovemaking. 

The love. 

Let me leave you with photos from my own personal MichFest collection, various years, no particular order:
























       
 













Goodbye, MichFest. See you in my dreams.

Thursday, July 23, 2015

My life in cars

Riding along as free as can be
Just me and my dog in my 240Z

I penned that terrible poem in high school in the early 70s. That I remember it now is astonishing given how bad it is - but maybe the length, and "snappy" meter and rhyme make it memorable after all these years. Or more likely, that two line poem summarized my dreams for my adult life when I was a teen trapped in Midwestern suburbia. When I grew up I wanted a dog, a sports car, and to be a ski bum in the mountains. No spouse, no kids, no white picket fence. My life didn't unfold that way at all - to date I've had two spouses, two kids, two homes owned, and the grandkids are flowing.

But as I stand today with 60 in my sights, I'm struck that the core theme then is exactly what my core theme is now - to be free. Hmm.

But this post is not specifically about freedom. It's about cars, which in their own way offer some measure of freedom. I've been fortunate enough to own a car almost continuously from late college on, which is a helluva long time.

Recently that old poem, an ode to the sports car I never owned, popped into my brain. It got me thinking about how cars recount my life from a particular lens - the rear view mirror. (See how I did that?!) Maybe yours do, too. So here goes a rather self indulgent recounting of my life in cars. I can't remember years and the order could be a bit off, but it all begins in the late 70s.

Jeep Scout - I loved this car because it was my first and was so damn cool. I lived in Colorado at the time and it fit my self-created image of mountain girl. Though the first time I put it in four wheel drive and drove it off-road I was terrified and never did it again. And it was very old and broke down, impossibly expensive to fix and a gas guzzler. So I soon traded it in for the worst car choice of my life.
AMC Gremlin - This car is consistently ranked as one of the worst cars of all time because it is. Not only was it ugly, its design was terribly flawed and it was dangerous in snow and ice (and by then I was back living in MN). I kept 100 pounds of sand in the back end to keep it from constantly fishtailing but it didn't help much. I remember doing a 360 one winter night on Highway 280 and ending up in the wrong lane with a semi bearing down on me. Obviously I lived to tell the tale. The only good thing about that car is I learned to drive a stick in it.
Ford Escort - Safer but exceedingly boring and economical. It had no power anything. A classic "heater and keys" car. My first "sensible" car.
Volkswagen Van - The classic hippy van, which marks the arrival of my now ex-husband in my life - the van came with him. I loved everything about that van, including road trips and "camping" in it. My husband was constantly under the engine (located dangerously in the front) because it broke down all the time. A highlight of our time with the van was when its optional gas-fueled space heater in the back caught on fire right next to our dog, and we had to evacuate. My ever practical husband had a fire extinguisher in the van and put the fire out himself. We all three lived to tell that tale (tail?).
Volkswagen Rabbit (yes this is the Volkswagen phase) - We bought it brand new for some crazy amount like 5K (early 80s car prices) because we were new parents and needed a safer car, and my husband was sick of fixing the van (I cried when we sold it, though).
Volkswagen Beetle - Even though we were more focused on safety, we bought this ancient Beetle from friends for $150 bucks. We thought we needed a second car and that's all we could afford. It had numerous holes in the floorboards (including under where we lovingly, "safely" strapped our young son into his car seat) and absolutely no heat. Shortly after buying it, we decided whoever didn't have the kid got the Beetle. It died for good after about six months.
Jeep Cherokee - My dad offered to sell us his Cherokee for the price of the trade-in value when he was getting a new car. It was still expensive - more than we could afford - but we thought it was cool and safe. We didn't know then that Cherokees were also impossibly expensive to repair (note the Jeep = expensive repair theme). It also marked the soon-to-be end of our marriage and me coming out as a lesbian.
Chevy Caprice Station Wagon - Not exactly the right car for picking up chicks in my new lesbo life (though I was the girl who wanted to be picked up and indeed was swayed by butch women in sports cars and on motorcycles), but it was cheap and all I could afford. I was also in mid-parenting years and the phase when I carted around my two kids and at least four of their friends on a regular basis. The selling point was the flip up third row bench seat in the back that faced backwards. The boys would give the finger to drivers behind us. The girls would wave. (Gender stereotypes, I know, but in this case they were true.) It was as close as I ever came to being a mini-van mom.
Toyota Corolla Wagon - The Chevy had some critical problem in its engine that would cost more to fix than the car was worth, so a friend who knew cars turned off the check engine light for me, made a temporary fix, and I went straight to the Toyota dealership to trade it in. I held my breath while I rode in it with the salesman who was checking it out, praying it wouldn't lurch and the engine wouldn't rev before he finished. It didn't and I got the Corolla wagon. I had actually done my research and knew this would be a good steady car for some time to come. It was less than ten years old, but still another "heater and keys." It was a great car, and served me well for a long time.
Nissan Maxima - The real story of this car is how I acquired it. I was working for the then-Mayor of Minneapolis, Sharon Sayles Belton, and she lost her bid for a third term. As political appointees we all had two months to find new jobs. Ron, a smart, handsome, tall brother who was a policy aide to the mayor, much younger than me, and my best work buddy, quickly secured an awesome job in DC and didn't want to bring his car with him - a newer killer Maxima with all the luxury trimmings. Out of friendship and kindness to me (I was a struggling single parent with two teens at the time) and probably a need to unload the car quickly, he sold it to me for what was left on his note, less than half of what the car was worth. And just like that I had, for the first time, automatic everything, leather heated seats, my first sunroof, a car in impeccable condition, and a sound system to die for. I felt cool as slick. I'm still grateful to Ron to this day.
Pontiac Vibe - As "Maxi" got old and started needing lots of repairs, I decided I was finally in a place to buy a new car. Not as in new-used, but brand spanking new. I lusted for a Nissan Rogue but when I did the math I ended up with the much cheaper Vibe, which had a Toyota Matrix engine but the price of a Pontiac. It was a good car, but not great in the snow and ice (not as bad as the Gremlin but not good). When my spouse Susan and I were driving home from Iowa last winter in snowy conditions, it fishtailed for no reason and we flew into the ditch. Luckily, we were unharmed but I vowed that would be the last winter in the Vibe. Plus, I had begun thinking about retirement and that it would likely happen in the next 5-6 years. So two weeks ago came my new...
Subaru Forester - This is the most thoughtful and planful I've ever been about a car purchase. I researched and considered for over a year. I see this car as my "retirement" vehicle. If all goes well, I'll pay this car off while I'm still working full time, and then as I move into part-time work, retirement, and way way less money, I'll have a decent car I can drive into the ground.  I picked this car because of the history of Subarus - you can easily drive them for 250,000 miles and they have fantastic repair and safety records. It will perhaps be the last car I'll ever own. Unless I lose my mind, splurge and buy an antique Datsun 240Z.  

Friday, July 17, 2015

Sandra Bland could have been my daughter

So much has been written about the terrible death of Sandra Bland that I'm not sure what I can add to the conversation.

Other than it has shaken me to my bones and I can't shake loose the horror.

She reminds me of my daughter. She could have been my daughter.

Sandra Bland.                      My daughter.

Same age, almost.

Both sassy, some might say affectionately, smart-mouthed.

My daughter would have been irritated too, and told the cop she had rights and she wasn't putting out her cigarette or getting out of the car.

She would have fought it every step of the way.

I'm sure Sandy Bland had been given "the talk," and knew the dangers but maybe couldn't imagine what happened to her could actually happen. To her. Or couldn't stop from demanding respect and lawful behavior from the cop. That's got my kid all over it.

The only difference that matters?

Sandra Bland is dead.

It could have been my daughter.

Or yours.

Or you.

But so likely never me, even if I was that age. 

Because I'm white. 

Makes me wanna holler.

#BlackLivesMatter

July 25 update: Read this, by the brilliant Roxane Gay: On the Death of Sandra Bland and our Vulnerable Bodies.

And this: Why are we still talking about racism?

Saturday, June 20, 2015

#KnowTheirNames #Charleston #EmanuelAMEMassacre

I need to bear witness on this blog to this ruthless act of terrorism. But say THEIR names, not his. Know THEIR faces, not his. Know them, mourn them them as your own - your mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, daughter, son, uncle, aunt, niece, nephew, cousin, pastor, neighbor, friend. And then commit to fighting the racism and system of white supremacy that created this horrific act, this massacre of innocent people in a place where they should have been safe, their place of worship (even as history tells us otherwise). #BlackLivesMatter #KnowTheirNames



From a CBS story
State Sen. Clementa Pinckneythe Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church's pastor and a graduate of Allen University in Columbia, S.C., was among those killed.
"A very energetic, promising, very active pastor and political leader in our state, which had a bright future," Reverend Dr. Norvel Goff said Thursday on "CBS This Morning." 
Pinckney, a magna cum laude graduate of Allen University, was a married father of two. In 1997, he was elected to the State House of Representatives at age 23, making him the youngest African-American legislator in South Carolina history.
South Carolina Rep. Alan D. Clemmons, who worked with Pincknet over the past 13 years, expressed his shock and grief over his friend's death. "He never had anything bad to say about anybody, even when I thought he should," State House Minority leader Todd Rutherford told the Associated Press. "He was always out doing work either for his parishioners or his constituents. He touched everybody."
"His loss shakes me and I'm confused and angered and upset that we've lost a true son of South Carolina," he said.
Tywanza Sanders Another Allen University alumnus was also among the victims. In a statement to CBS News, the school's president, Lady June Cole, said that 26-year-old Tywanza Sanders, a 2014 graduate in business administration, was also killed.

sanders.png

"He was a quiet, well-known student who was committed to his education," Cole said. "He presented a warm and helpful spirit as he interacted with his colleagues. Mr. Sanders was participating in the Bible Study session at Mother Emanuel church at the time of the shooting."
Sanders reportedly worked at Smitty's Super Seven Barber in Charleston."I've been up all night," Michele Gray said of learning her best friend, Tywanza Sanders, was killed in the deadly rampage. "My brother called me and it was shock, disbelief. I was like 'you're lying. This cannot happen to us, cannot happen to his family'. I'm at a loss for words to even explain how I feel." 
On his Instagram account Sanders described himself as a businessman, college grad, poet, artist and barber. He added in his profile that he is living life where God takes him.


Cynthia Hurd
Meanwhile, officials with the Charleston County Public Library announced that Cynthia Hurd, a branch manager at one of its locations, was also killed in the shooting.

cynthiahurd8101767g.jpg

Hurd, 54, worked with the library for 31 years, working most recently as manager of the St. Andrews Regional Library, according to a statement from the library.
"Her loss is incomprehensible, and we ask for prayers for her family, her co-workers, her church and this entire community as we come together to face this tragic loss," the library said.
WSOC-TV reports, Hurd was the sister of former North Carolina Sen. Malcolm Graham. He released the following statement on his sisters death:
"My sister, Ms. Cynthia Marie Graham-Hurd, was a victim of the senseless hate crime at Emanuel AME Church. It is unimaginable that she would walk into church and not return. But that's who she was - a woman of faith. This is a very difficult time for our family, and Cynthia will be sorely missed. Our family is close-knit, and our faith will see us through. I also extend condolences to the other families of Emanuel AME Church and the city of Charleston who have been affected by this inconceivable tragedy.
"My family and I appreciate the thoughts and prayers from people across North Carolina and South Carolina."

Sharonda Singleton


charleston-coleman-singleton.jpg

Sharonda Singleton, was the head coach of the girls' track and field and a speech/ language pathologist at Goose Creek High School. 
"When she came to games, you knew she was there," said Goose Creek Principal Jimmy Huskey to the Charleston Post and Courier. "She was going to be yelling and screaming for the Gators, and she loved Goose Creek High School. 
Reflecting on Mrs. Singleton, Huskey added, "Mrs. Singleton was a true professional at Goose Creek High School. She cared about her students and was an advocate for them, always willing to listen to and talk with them. She was always there with a smile and ready to help. Mrs. Singleton will be deeply missed by the 'Gator Nation' and we can never replace her as a member of our team."
 The Berkeley County School District released a statement on Singleton's death, which reads in part: "Sharonda Singleton, a speech/language pathologist and the head girls' track coach at Goose Creek High School, who touched the lives of students and colleagues alike, leaves a void that is impossible to fill."
She was the mother of three children. According to the Post and Courier, her oldest son, Chris Singleton, is a Charleston Southern sophomore baseball player.
"She loved baseball and loved Chris," Goose Creek baseball coach Chris Pond said. "She loved everyone and always had a positive attitude about everything."
On Thursday, Chris Singleton stood in front of cameras at the Charleston Southern baseball field to speak about his mother.
 "We are mourning right now, but I know we will get through it," he said. "My mom was a God fearing woman. She loved everybody with all her heart."
"Love is always stronger than hate," he added.

Rev. Daniel Simmons
Simmons was a well-known fixture in the South Carolina AME community and had served as pastor of several Charleston-area churches before retiring.


charleston-simmons.jpg

A parishioner at the Greater Zion AME Church in Awendaw, where Simmons served as pastor from 2004-2009, remembered him as a talented teacher and compassionate leader. 
"He was a by-the-book person," said church officer and financial secretary Patricia Brown. "He said the only way you really stay out of trouble is if you go by the rules." 
At Greater Zion, Brown said the 74-year-old grandfather led weekly bible studies and helped the church establish a housing ministry and a hot meal program for those in need. 
She said her church is planning a memorial service for Simmons on Sunday.
"I think the whole state's in shock, and we're in shock here as well," Brown said. "It's just a very sad thing."

Rev. DePayne Middleton-Doctor


charleston-middleton-doctor.jpg

Rev. DePayne Middleton-Doctor was admissions coordinator at Southern Wesleyan University's Charleston learning center. She began work this past December at SWU's Charleston learning center. She received her BA in biology and life sciences from Columbia College and was a SWU alumna, having received her master's in management from SWU in 1994, according to a press release from Southern Wesleyan University. 
Southern Weleyan University sent a press release regarding her death: "As the world mourns for the nine victims in the wake of the June 17 shooting at Emanuel AME Church in Charleston, Southern Wesleyan University is mourning the loss of an employee and alumna. DePayne Doctor, admissions coordinator at Southern Wesleyan University's Charleston learning center, was in historic Emmanuel AME Church and was among the shooting victims." 
President Todd Voss was shocked to hear this news. "Always a warm and enthusiastic leader, DePayne truly believed in the mission of SWU to help students achieve their potential by connecting faith with learning," Voss said "Our prayers go out to family and friends. This is a great loss for our students and the Charleston region."

Susan Jackson


charleston-jackson.jpg

Susan Jackson, 87, was a longtime church member and sang in the choir. Jackson had recently visited her son and grandchildren in Cleveland, Ohio.
Tim Jackson told Cleveland television station WEWS that his grandmother was a loving, giving woman with a great smile.
"It's just hard to process that my grandmother had to leave Earth this way," he said. "It's real, real hard. It's challenging because I don't believe she deserved to go this way." 
He described his grandmother to Cleveland.com as a kind woman who always opened her home to friends and family.
"It really hit me last night. It kind of hit my dad hard, because he's an only child, so we're trying to be there for him," he said. "My mom, she's dealing with it real hard today. I don't think it's going to hit me hard again until we travel to South Carolina."
Susie Jackson, who was fond of playing slot machines, was scheduled to go on a church-sponsored bus trip to Chicago on Sunday and was looking forward to going to the top of the Willis Tower, said Jean Jackson, an associate member of the church.

Ethel Lance
Ethel Lance, 70, was a Charleston native who had been a member of the church for most of her life. She and Susan Jackson were cousins. She retired after working for more than 30 years on the housekeeping staff at the city's Gaillard Auditorium.


charleson-lance.jpg

She had served as a sexton at the church for the last five years, helping to keep the historic building clean. She was also a lover of gospel music. "She was a God-fearing woman," said granddaughter Najee Washington, 23, who lived with Lance. "She was the heart of the family, and she still is. She is a very caring, giving and loving woman. She was beautiful inside and out." 
Lance had five children, seven grandchildren and four great-grandchildren.

Myra Thompson
Charleston County Coroner Rae Wooten said Thursday the other victim was Myra Thompson, 59. In a Facebook post Thursday, Archbishop Foley Beach of the Anglican Church in North America wrote, "Please join me in praying for the Rev. Anthony Thompson, Vicar of Holy Trinity REC (ACNA) Church in Charleston, his family, and their congregation, with the killing of his wife, Myra, in the Charleston shootings last night." 


charleston-thompson.jpg
Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc., released a statement expressing their condolences, stating Thompson was a member of the 102-year-old organization. According to the press release, she was a member of the Charleston Alumnae Chapter and was initiated into the Sorority through the Gamma Upsilon Chapter at Benedict College in Columbia, S.C. in 1977. She was a Diamond Life Member. The statement said her daughter, Denise Quarles, and sister, Eunice Coakley-Gupton, are also members.