Thanks to DADT I met my spouse

Well sort of. She got kicked out the Army for being gay before Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT), but it's true on principle. Her plan had been to have a life-long career in the Army. But at the tender age of 23 she was told "no thanks, you're gay" and discharged.

She had just graduated from college and decided joining the Army was a good idea because it would give her a career. While in basic training, she met a woman who would go on to be her partner for over ten years. They were discreet and careful. But a private in their unit knew about them, thought it was wrong, and planted a faked love note between the two of them in a waste basket for sure discovery. Later they admitted to being "bisexual" to avoid a dishonorable discharge.

My spouse went on to a career in the restaurant industry and made her way to Minnesota, where she met me seven years ago. Three years after that we got married. So thank you military for your homophobic and discriminatory ways. Ironic, isn't it?

(And yes she is my spouse -- we were legally married in Massachusetts and are legally recognized in seven other states and the District of Colombia, but that's a whole other topic and post.)

 Getting hitched, 2007

But our love story aside, I have no conflicted feelings about the House vote yesterday, which moves our country one huge step closer to the repeal of DADT. A similar bill is moving through the Senate. DADT must become history.

Because I am part of the large GLBT community here in the Twin Cities, I know at least a dozen women who were kicked out of the military pre- and post-DADT for being queer. Each one had joined as a way out of where they came from and a way into a career. Each served with pride and many planned to be lifers. What a waste of talent, military.

My cousin's (straight) son is just home from a second tour of duty in Afghanistan. He was seriously in harm's way and put his life on the line many times for his country. Whatever your feelings are about that war, or war in general, he chose to serve, and was allowed to serve and be fully open about his wife and child back home. Did the open support of his spouse and family help him get through his tour?

Without a doubt.

And what about the estimated 66,000 gay men and lesbians in the military, many who are in harm's way right now. They all chose to serve their country. Don't they at least deserve to carry photos of their partners with them? And to share that support openly and proudly as they put their lives on the line?

Without a doubt.

~~~

Some quick facts about DADT - full report is here.

• An estimated 66,000 lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals are serving in the US military, accounting for approximately 2.2% of military personnel.  
• Approximately 13,000 LGB people are serving on active duty (comprising 0.9% of all active duty personnel) while nearly 53,000 are serving in the guard and reserve forces (3.4%). 
• While women comprise only about 14% of active duty personnel, they comprise more than 43% of LGB men and women serving on active duty. 
• Lifting DADT restrictions could attract an estimated 36,700 men and women to active duty service along with 12,000 more individuals to the guard and reserve. 
• Since its inception in 1994, the “Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell” policy has cost the military between $290 million and more than a half a billion dollars. 
• The military spends an estimated $22,000 to $43,000 per person to replace those discharged under DADT.