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(Nappy) hair notes
I can do hair. Specifically what I mean is I can oil, comb, and braid all kinds of basic girl hairdos for thick, curly, course hair from the motherland – nappy hair – in all of the reclaimed, beautiful sense of that word.
My fingers have been deep into nappy hair for two generations now. A squirmy-child-head-between-my-knees-making-straight-lines-oiling-scalp-braiding-until-my-fingers-ache-rubber-bands-and-barrettes-get-it-good-so-it-will-last-the-school-week relationship with nappy hair.
But does that give me the right to say or even claim "nappy?" Where does my whitegirl self fit in the brown world I inhabit? Where is the map for the lines, the boundaries, I can and cannot cross? Am I forever on the Don Imus side of that word, never on the "Nappy Roots" side, or do I inhabit a place between?
My daughter sometimes counts on me to do her daughter's hair, just like she counts on her friends to do her own perms, weaves and extensions. She is not a hair girl, never has been and never will be. When her child was a toddler with just-coming-in-but-very-thick-hair, she just combed it into a little 'fro and left it at that. I got blamed sometimes: "Well of course she doesn't do right by her daughter's hair, after all she was raised by you."
As if.
I have a friend who loved that little 'fro. She has light brown skin and sandy-colored hair just like my granddaughter's except now hers twists and turns in fierce and lovely waist-length locks. "Oh she looks sooooo cute," squealed my friend with delight at the sight of that 'fro. "My hair was just like that when I was little," swooping my granddaughter into the sista-hood of nappy-headed girls everywhere.
Yet after all these years, I still wonder -- do white moms of black-brown-multiracial kids step over/step into some place we have no business when we claim "nappy" as part our vernacular, too?
When my grandchild dramatically screams as I comb out the tangles at the back of her neck, I tell her -- firmly but kindly -- just as I had told her mom, "Honey I know your kitchen is extra tender, we're almost done. Be still." Calling out her "kitchen," or her "nappy hair" for me, is honoring her culture and claiming her place in it -- for her.
I mean this is family I am talking about. At our house nappy=love.
Related Post: Grandma's Nappy Hair
I know that it is spoken between family but something still galls me about a white woman using the word nappy or kitchen in reference to black hair. There are just some things that make me uncomfortable.
ReplyDeleteOoohhhh I just know you are talking about miss Sally Nixon up in there. I was "blessed" with "good" hair. Aka my hair is so fine that I can't find a hair product for it...cuz white folks hair products do not work on curly hair and black folks hair products weigh my hair down and make it look like I rubbed my head in a vat of fat back. I would kill for my sister Ella's hair....sure she screamed like a demon as a child if you even mouthed the word brush...but damn it if it isn't gorgeous.
ReplyDeleteRenee, I so hear you. I'm working on writing into/working through my dis-comfort zones and they are uncomfortable for me, too.
ReplyDeleteBrandon, oh yes that's who I'm talking about! My son has the same issue with his hair as you, including being jealous of his sister's hair.
Just a note to say, I love that second photo. I wish white hair separated and braided as well; French braids are NOT the same, and don't let anyone tell you they are! I ADORE corn-rows and "geometric patterns" in hair designs!
ReplyDeleteMy initial reaction was, "Well, if it's nappy, it's nappy. Why wouldn't you call it that?" I realize that "nappy" has different connotations depending on who's saying it and how, but seriously, what would you call it instead? What euphemism would you use?
ReplyDeleteI guess "nappy" is one of those words we have to reclaim like "queer" and that other n-word (whole 'nother topic, I know).
I'll say this: Just because other people are uncomfortable with your using the word nappy doesn't necessarily mean it's inappropriate to do so. It's as much their discomfort as it is yours. You're culturally competent.
(I totally felt a nostalgic grin emerge when I read about the kitchen. Rite of passage.)
Thanks, Erica for adding to the conversation and the great perspective. Just think, last night you got to meet that now-infamous nappy head of hair that's been hurled across the blogosphere and the amazing, adorable child who owns it!
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